can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
