Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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