my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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