if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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