The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
