She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
