After last night, I could never be a politician.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
