yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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