you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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