Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
