you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
