worst night to have a conscience
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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