STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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