he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
