I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
