I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
