Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
