pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
