spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
