I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
