it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
