very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this just has baby written all over it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
