Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
