I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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