Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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