Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
