My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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