I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
