So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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