mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
