I think my fart just growled at me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
