if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
