i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
