is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
