First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
