He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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