You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
