Plan B is the new Plan A
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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