She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
