It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
