Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
