She is in my trunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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