you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
