before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
