i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
