Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
