I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
