Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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