I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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