we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
