I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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