apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
