Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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