The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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