the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
