im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
